Best Black Women's Erotica by Blanche Richardson

Author:Blanche Richardson
Language: eng
Format: epub
Publisher: Cleis Press Start
Published: 2012-11-06T05:00:00+00:00

Talkin’ Smack

Blanche Richardson

Oh, hi! What are you doing here? I thought it was Jamal. Were you supposed to meet him here? No? Well, come on in; you can keep me company until he gets here. Let me take your coat. Mmm. I love the way leather smells, don’t you? Nice slacks. You been working out? That silk shirt kinda clings to your body. I like it. Very smooth. Chocolate is definitely your color, my brotha! Why don’t you have a seat—on the sofa. I sprayed the chairs with fabric freshener, so they might still be a little damp.

Why, thank you! I can’t believe you remembered my birthday. How sweet. Listen, we’re all going to the club tonight. I was gonna call and see if you and your lady wanted to come, but…well…I didn’t know if…you know. Anyway, Lynn and Kathy are gonna be there. Even LaRhonda. And you know LaRhonda don’t hardly ever get out! Gina and Alicia are up from LA and Raymond is coming, too. David’s got that kick-ass commute all week, but I think Lena can get him to show. Roxanne? Now, you know it ain’t a party without Roxanne and her cans of “act right!”

Anyway, we’re gon’ get our groove on, you hear me! So, why don’t you come with us? After we’ve danced our butts off, everyone’s coming back here for breakfast. I made fried chicken, homemade mashed potatoes and my special gravy, butter beans…You can smell it? That’s the cornbread; it’s still in the oven. I was gonna wait and make it later when we got back, but Jamal was taking so long, I needed something to do. You didn’t know I could cook? Shoot. Not only can I cook, but dessert is my specialty! Tonight? Well, tonight, Monsieur, I am serving my world-famous gel rouge avec zee peachéz du cannes à la mode. Oui, oui. All us great chefs parlez vous français. You had four years of French in college? You never told me that. It must have been that white French. See, I’m talkin’ Black French. You want the translation? Red Jell-O. With canned peaches. And Cool Whip on top. Don’t laugh; I’ll have you know this is considered a delicacy where I come from. Oh, so whatchu tryin’ to say? I’m ghetto? Damn skippy! In fact, I’m gonna put my birthday candles in the Jell-O. I’ve been waiting for this night. My birthday hardly ever falls on a weekend, so I figured I’d throw myself a party. C’mon and go with us. Please? Well, will you at least think about it? Good enough.

Listen, can I get you something to drink? I’m having a Rémy. Double Rémy Martin straight up with a water back. I love saying that! I heard one of my mother’s friends say it at my cousin Avé’s wedding reception. I thought it sounded so sophisticated. I practiced saying it in the bathroom mirror over and over until I got the look down. Then on my twenty-first birthday, a bunch of us drove to Reno.

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